Thursday, March 27, 2014

If only

If time could stay still in the moments that we adore, keep rerunning in our memories, longing to live them again and again, meticulously recalling all the little details, sounds and shades and spoken words that seem to matter more than they did then, like an old movie that after all these years you know by heart.
Time is running away with increasing pace that we are too powerless to slow down.
The persistent feeling of speeding away towards the edge of a cliff exhilarates and mortifies, all in one, filling this seemingly auspicious ride with fascination and terror playing in turns with your mind, juggling unrelated pieces of life that go up and down in the air like a flash, burning into your brain, stirring myriad of emotions that won't like to be forgotten.
The sweetness and the pain of a moment disappearing in front of your eyes with the vague premonition of a future regret.
The lights are descending into shadows, and slowly melting evening sun is touching the day for the last time.
The moment is gone...

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Come what may

Things are happening too fast and it's still too early to understand why they're happening at all.
With such unusual start suddenly bursting into your life showing its corners in a completely new light. So vivid and unexpected, vaguely familiar and yet strangely peculiar, fresh and edgy, touching and sad, gripping all your being with such a powerful force and yet giving you freedom to decide if you wish to continue with this wonderfully crazy charade that excites even more with every coming day.
Time is arching itself trying to accommodate the change.
Every step is a novelty with the windows opening to another reality

The thought

You never know
where grains of pain
may hide
one day to come
to life
with the exquisite
torture
from the shadows
in infinite surprise
to startle
and ambush
the fortress
left with
no defense

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Indulgence

I am letting my little obsession glide me through the day.
Sometimes I feel I am playing with it like a cat with a mouse, catch and release. I am giving it green light to entertain me. I am controlling the game (or so it seems.) I could direct my attention somewhere else but what would I do without the butterflies inside me, the ticklish feeling of curious fascination and slow enjoyment. At first it was unexpected and slightly bewildering, coming from seemingly familiar place but so sudden in its new angle that led straight into 'Alice in Wonderland' rabbit hole. And here I am, weeks from then, still on the other side exploring the unknown, moving back and forth in time just to find something new every day.
I got used to the butterflies. I'm familiar with their comings and goings. The images have sharpened, feelings acquired new facets, senses are heightened to the breaking point. Joy ride indeed with a little sadness of inevitable expiration.
There must be some meaning to what's happening but it's hidden. I start to enjoy the flight more than I expected and don't wish to part with the newly found world that only I am privileged to see or know.
I wonder where I find myself in a month or year. Will it be the same, will it vanish or stay a little longer.
I don't know how long it'll last but I am already afraid to lose it. I need my butterflies and blinding glow of the afternoon  sun, and the ride, further away into another world that is also mine, at least in time if not in experience.
I cherish my little dreamy mouse and don't want to let it go. As far as I am concerned the butterflies can settle in.
I might choose to permanently reside in Wonderland severing all ties to the familiar.